009 - S1E9 "Flash Flood" with Paul Padilla

Paul ‘n Me. That’s the title card for the show in the background. I tried to get artsy and clearly it didn’t work.

Paul ‘n Me. That’s the title card for the show in the background. I tried to get artsy and clearly it didn’t work.

Thanks to listener David Davis of Facts of Life Fans on Facebook for noticing this!

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View the original episode here: The Facts Of Life S1E9 Flash Flood

“Much Happiness!” - Paul’s autographed photo of Mindy Cohn!

“Much Happiness!” - Paul’s autographed photo of Mindy Cohn!

Bob, our Unpaid Director Of Research, did a little digging and GUESS WHAT? There IS a flooding problem in Peekskill, New York. According to page 19 of this document from 2007:

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WHO KNEW?!?

And more importantly, THERE IS A DAM!! Apparently, it had some problems back in 1981. So, this episode may have been quite prophetic indeed. And very uncharacteristically, it seems the writers actually knew something and/or did some research.

Which then leads me to ask… if this is actually a ‘thing’ for Peekskill… why do we never hear about any severe rain or dam issues ever again on “The Facts Of Life” in the subsequent 8 seasons?

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Lisa Whelchel’s über-80s-sounding Christian Album. According to her Wikipedia page,

“In 1984, Whelchel released a Christian pop album entitled All Because of You. The album reached No. 17 on the Billboard Contemporary Christian music charts. She was nominated for a Grammy Award for Best Inspirational Performance and was recognized as the writer of the title song, "All Because of You". Among the songs featured on the album were "All Because of You", "Just Obey", "Cover Me Lord", and "Good Girl". She did not record a second album.”

(Editor’s Note: The feathering of her hair in the album cover photo is on-point AF.)

008 - S1E8 "The Facts Of Love" with Alexander Mrazek

Me with Alex!

Me with Alex!

View the original episode here: The Facts Of Life S1E8 The Facts Of Love

performing our Fringe show “Eunice & Ernie’s Story Time For Grown-Ups” at the 2012 Orlando Fringe Festival (David in drag)

performing our Fringe show “Eunice & Ernie’s Story Time For Grown-Ups” at the 2012 Orlando Fringe Festival (David in drag)

performing together recently at Sleuths Mystery Dinner Theatre (Alex in drag)

performing together recently at Sleuths Mystery Dinner Theatre (Alex in drag)

Look who is back in this episode! Delivery Boy Steve! YUMMMMM!!!

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Here is a Rusty Warren party record from 1960. (The bit I reference is around 10:45.) Her humor is a great example of sex being comedically referred to as a nebulous “it” (not unlike this particular FOL episode). There is a routine of hers on a different album where she talks about how young girls are introduced to sexuality by their mothers sticking to a script of “DON’T DO IT! No matter what, DON’T DO IT!” and by the time a woman reaches her wedding day, the honeymoon car drives away, and the mother shouts, “IT’S OK! YOU CAN DO IT NOW!” And the daughter shouts back, “BUT YOU NEVER TOLD ME WHAT IT WAS!” LOL On this album, “The Poon-Tang Song” at 13:15 is one of my favorites.

That bit reminds me of a Joan Rivers routine from 1969, also about.. THE FACTS OF LIFE!! (starts @ 1:18)

Alex mentioned he loves the cheesy theme song footage from classic sitcoms. I do too! Here are two of my favorites: A Lord-Of-The-Rings sitcom bit from SNL (with Elijah Wood and Chris Kattan)… and the granddaddy of all sitcom theme spoofs, that phenomenon that was all the everythings for 5 minutes 4 years ago: “Too Many Cooks.”

I own this vintage Weltron 8-track player, prominently displayed in my office where I record many of my podcasts. This is relevant because…

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…Alex needed to learn about 8-track tapes,

A good explanation for those who like a more ‘visual’ approach (starts @ about 2:30):

Cut For Time: Alex talks about his favorite TV shows:

007 - S1E7 "Dieting" with Mark Baratelli

Baratelli & Almeida.

Baratelli & Almeida.

View the original episode here: The Facts Of Life S1E7 Dieting

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Promo shot for Mark’s “Judy Garland” show(s) at The Orlando Fringe Festival

Promo shot for Mark’s “Judy Garland” show(s) at The Orlando Fringe Festival

David and Mark agree: Actor Greg Bradford as Steve the delivery guy is SUPER HOT. Check him out below squaring off against a young unknown Patrick Swayze in “SkateTown U.S.A.” He also appeared in the movie “Zapped!” with Scott Baio and Willie Aames …

David and Mark agree: Actor Greg Bradford as Steve the delivery guy is SUPER HOT. Check him out below squaring off against a young unknown Patrick Swayze in “SkateTown U.S.A.” He also appeared in the movie “Zapped!” with Scott Baio and Willie Aames (trailer below, he is quickly glimpsed between 0:45 - 0:49). Here is a tumblr blog about him (sadly no nudes of him, but the blog is NSFW).

Does Scott Dunbar grow to be Mr. Big from “Sex And The City?”

Does Scott Dunbar grow to be Mr. Big from “Sex And The City?”

Nancy McKeon played Inspector Jinny Exstead on “The Division” from 2001-2004. Somebody compiled a 31 minute video of ‘favorite moments.’ I’ve only skimmed this, but it looks pretty good for a Lifetime series. Her shooting schedule for this show is what prevented her from appearing in “The Facts Of Life Reunion” in 2001; After this show ended, she took time away from acting to raise her family. Her return to television happened just last month on ABC’s “Dancing With The Stars.”

MORE EXTRAS!!

David teaches Mark Baratelli what a backdoor pilot is. (Sadly it doesn’t have to do with this guy:)

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David also gets really obsessive-geeky about The Three Stooges:

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Video for Jump ‘N The Saddle Band’s surprise 1983 pop hit “The Curly Shuffle:”

Due to Tootie’s careless handling of Mr. Bradley’s Chinese food, David is reminded of this:

“It’s Not Chicken Fingers, Tootie!”

“It’s Not Chicken Fingers, Tootie!”

004 - S1E4 "IQ" with Mike Marinaccio

Mike Marinaccio with his head looking abnormally tiny, and my head looking unabnormally extra large.

Mike Marinaccio with his head looking abnormally tiny, and my head looking unabnormally extra large.

Um… WTF? I incorrectly state that Facts Of Life was on for 8 years. Duh. I know it was 9. Brain fart. Or, I guess “Low IQ Moment…”

SUPPLEMENTAL STUFF:

The IQ equation that I couldn’t remember during the show was this: (And I realize I learned this stuff in junior high school, so it is very likely as outdated as the info on this episode.)

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Here is an interesting episode of SciShow Psych giving further insight into IQ scores. I like that he refers to it as “a useful shorthand.” That your IQ can change is new information, I was taught that scores were pretty static… and that was OK because it measures potential intelligence, not actual intelligence.

And for your (racist) entertainment, here is Al Jolson performing “Toot Toot Tootsie” in 1927’s The Jazz Singer. (Thankfully not in blackface.)

003 - S1E3 "The Return Of Mr. Garrett" with Philip Nolen

I forgot to take a picture with Philip after we recorded the show! Here is an image ca. 2009 at the Tequila Cave at Epcot. (BTW, I highly recommend the avocado margarita)

I forgot to take a picture with Philip after we recorded the show! Here is an image ca. 2009 at the Tequila Cave at Epcot. (BTW, I highly recommend the avocado margarita)

Philip Nolen as Salieri; Chad Gneiting and David Almeida as The Venticelli in “Amadeus” at Orlando’s Mad Cow Theatre, 2009

Philip Nolen as Salieri; Chad Gneiting and David Almeida as The Venticelli in “Amadeus” at Orlando’s Mad Cow Theatre, 2009

Philip on the left as Max, David on the right as Kenny in “Laughter On The 23rd Floor” - Orlando’s Mad Cow Theatre, 2013 (Jesus David, dial it back)

Philip on the left as Max, David on the right as Kenny in “Laughter On The 23rd Floor” - Orlando’s Mad Cow Theatre, 2013 (Jesus David, dial it back)

Robert “Mr. Garrett” Alda introducing Broadway to “Guys And Dolls:"

002 - S1E2 "Like Mother Like Daughter" with Martin Kunz

So I forgot to take a picture of me & Martin together when I recorded the show. Here we are in Santa Monica in 2011… and since neither of us looks a day older…

So I forgot to take a picture of me & Martin together when I recorded the show. Here we are in Santa Monica in 2011… and since neither of us looks a day older…

Women that Martin & I think resemble Blair's mother:

The original Monica Warner from S1E2 (Pam Huntington)

The original Monica Warner from S1E2 (Pam Huntington)

Olivia Newton-John

Olivia Newton-John

Bo Derek in "10"

Bo Derek in "10"

Shelley Fabares as Francine Webster in "One Day At A Time"

Shelley Fabares as Francine Webster in "One Day At A Time"

An afterthought: Farrah Fawcett in "Charlie's Angels"

An afterthought: Farrah Fawcett in "Charlie's Angels"

NOT ON OUR LIST: soap star Marj Dusay, who would take over the role of Monica Warner for all future appearances of the character on "The Facts Of Life" (8 episodes according to IMDb).

NOT ON OUR LIST: soap star Marj Dusay, who would take over the role of Monica Warner for all future appearances of the character on "The Facts Of Life" (8 episodes according to IMDb).

DISCLAIMER: I own the rights to none of these images. They probably belong to some big monster corporation. Help me stick it to the man by looking at them.

001 - S1E1 "Rough Housing" with Matthew Arter

Matthew and I are very good friends with Film Critic and Man-About-Town Wink Wright and Officer Pat Friskem at Disney’s Hollywood Studios.

Matthew and I are very good friends with Film Critic and Man-About-Town Wink Wright and Officer Pat Friskem at Disney’s Hollywood Studios.

* CORRECTIONS / OMISSIONS / STUFF *

• "Welcome Back, Kotter" took place in New York. It's easy to get confused when this is the first image of the theme song in every episode:

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• The episode of "Fantasy Island" in which Annette Funicello has her ventriloquist puppet brought to life featured Maren Jensen (of "Battlestar Galactica" fame). Not Barbara Bach, former Bond girl and wife of Ringo Starr (as I said). And not CATHERINE Bach, who played Daisy Duke on "The Dukes of Hazzard" (as I meant).

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• "Hello, Larry" child actress and Real Housewife Kim Richards is not married to the doctor on "Botched" (Terry Dubrow). I don’t remember what made me think that, I can’t figure it out. Totes wrong on that.

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• The replacement for Mrs. Garrett on "Diff'rent Strokes" was Nedra Volz in the role of Adelaide.

If I ever join GrindR, Matthew says this should be my profile pic.

If I ever join GrindR, Matthew says this should be my profile pic.

• Gary Coleman was 4’ 8” tall as an adult.

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• According to the Nielsen Ratings (acquired from Wikipedia), ABC was the dominant network in the 1978-1979 season. They had 17 of the top 30 shows; CBS had 9 and NBC had only 4. Its highest rated show was "Little House On The Prairie" at #14. Next is the "Monday Night Movie" (which immediately followed "Little House" so it had some help). I can't find any info as to which movie/movies it showed that year (write me if you know!). Then "CHiPs" is the next NBC 'hit' at #25. And at #27 ... this brand new show called "Diff'rent Strokes." No wonder somebody yelled "SPIN SOMETHING OFF FROM THAT!" NBC would continue to sputter along, adding "Real People" to the list the following year, and slowly bringing other hits like "Hill Street Blues," "The A-Team," and "Knight Rider" until the tides turned in 1984 with the premiere of a little monster of a show (run by a big monster of a man) that would save the whole network...  "The Cosby Show."

*Whew* I think we all feel better now.

* VIDEO *

A very young Kim Fields in a Mrs. Butterworth's syrup commercial:

Theme to NBC's "Here's Boomer" (clearly a German version for some reason):

Mr. Belvedere clip "Sitcom + AIDS = FAIL" :

 

DISCLAIMER: I own the rights to none of these images or videos. I don't know who does. I got them off the internet so they are 100% legal. Don't try to sue me, I have no fucking money.

More Art From My Friend Bob

In 1982, the addition of “selected cable / pay listings” was a big deal for TV Guide. Before this, if you subscribed to Home Box Office, you had a separate program listing that was mailed to you each month. Listen to this podcast for more useless “Facts!” A new episode every week starting 10/31…!

www.facethefactspod.com

www.davidalmeida.com/podcast

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A Little Extra

There’s this guy named Bob. Bob and I have been friends for about 44 years. We grew up together loving the show. Bob is very good at graphic design. So, for the upcoming launch, he has been going crazy uncovering and tweaking old “Facts Of Life” graphics. Here is one that I just posted on social media. More to come… Bravo, Bob! And thank you for being a friend. (Wait… wrong show)

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